Losing Someone Important

Say you’ve known someone your whole life. They’ve met all of your family members and been at every single birthday get together you have ever had.

They know all of your secrets and all of your fears. Yet you don’t know much about them.

Yes, you have known each other for as long as you can remember, you don’t remember the last time you had a meaningful conversation with them. When was the last time you spent time alone with them and actually enjoyed it?

Maybe you are growing apart. Maybe it’s time to come to terms with the fact that you no longer know who they are. You have spent too much time focusing on university, work and romantic relationships that you have forgotten to be there for them.

They are going through a hard time and they need you to listen. They need you to stop focusing on other aspects of life and listen to them. The are too ashamed to ask for your help, they don’t want to come off as selfish or needy. So they keep quiet. They let you keep yourself busy and distracted while they slowly start to disappear. Fade away until one day, when you need them most, they have gone, long forgotten.

That is when you realise that you didn’t make enough time for them. You didn’t listen to them when they cried out for help. You didn’t hear them. You didn’t hear you. You didn’t listen to your inner voice and now you have lost who you are.

Take time out for yourself. Get to know yourself again. Fall in love with who you are. Treat yourself and be happy. You can’t expect anyone else to.

I am slowly coming to terms with the idea of loving me. Not waiting for anyone to buy me flowers, but buying them myself. Doing things that I want to do without asking for other peoples approval. At the end of the day the only person that I am certain will be around in my life is me, so why not treat myself? Why not spend time getting to know myself? Try it. Take yourself out for dinner. Go to the movies alone. Get comfortable with your own company.

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The Problem with Young Love

Falling in love young is both a beautiful and tragic thing. You fall quick, you fall strong. Yet you get blinded and lost at the same time.

My boyfriend and I became a couple a few weeks before my 18th birthday. We had messaged each other everyday for a few months before we met, then we got together a couple of weeks after we met. It was quick. We barely knew each other. We barely knew ourselves. All I remember is knowing that we would be together forever. That my times of being single were over.

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I didn’t know what it was like to be in a serious relationship. I didn’t know what type of girlfriend I was. So I experimented. I did things that I look back on now and cringe. Like declaring my love for him on a video and posting it on tumblr. Writing his mother a letter thanking her for raising him. Things that I guess are ‘cute’ but things that the current me would not do.

I did other things too. Trying to be something I was not. But yet, how could I have known it wasn’t me, when I had not known who ‘me’ was.

We never argued, and I didn’t like to show him when I was hurt. We weren’t real with each other. Tried to keep up this ‘perfect relationship’ when really we were both very lost and confused.

Until the day that we broke up. 1 year and 10 months into our relationship. As painful as that day was. It was the birth of my self awareness. When the bubble I had lived in had finally burst and I was set free. The real me. We spoke, and we understood each other.

Six days later we got back together. I cannot lie, even though I learned that those lovey dovey messages from him were not completely truthful, I still missed the cuteness that I thought we had. But now we have grown. We know who we are. No more trying to be a certain type of girlfriend. I am me. He is him.

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Here we are 5 years, 2 months and 26 days later. Our relationship has definitely evolved and strengthened. We are friends. Dare I say best friends. Who are in love. We have our days when we need our space. We do our own things. We help each other reach our goals.

See, falling in love young is a hard thing. Finding yourself when in a relationship with someone is difficult. But once you make it through that point. Once you realise who you are, and you love yourself. Your love for that person becomes real.

It’s more than flowers, love letters and cute texts. It’s about taking the other persons plate to the kitchen and washing it.

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Photographs taken by @PatieCakes